Hello

"I have to get her away from me."

"I'm not worth it. "

Words that repeated themselves in Rocio's head, over and over again, they invaded her mind. And Rocio believed them, over and over again. It was her who was repeating them, after all.

Right?

It wasn't as if someone had put them in her head; it was the truth.

<Then_the_games_became_more_popular>

“...Yes. And...? Then?”

September 2007.

Rocio threw away her diary. She wouldn't use it anymore, anyway; she was too busy to write in it.

Too busy, doing what?

Well, working. She used to have a job at a coffee shop, she was a cashier.

Working there? HA! Rocio quit that job. Now she was going to dedicate herself to making video games. Every day, every hour, 24/7. Except for when she had to go to college. She didn't study at home; what they were learning was very easy; she would make up for the semester in one night.

She thought about her life and her decisions while drawing Lacey for the eighteenth time that day. Everything was supposed to be done in the studio, but she wanted to get ahead by doing things at home.

Her life was perfect like that; her routine was: go to college, go to the studio, and then continue with the games at home.

Yep, everything was going well.

In those months, they released a total of 15 games, which was something new for them. They didn't even make that many in competitions; normally, they only made 5 or 8 at most in a month.

But Rocío also worked hard, nights and nights of nonstop programming and drawing paid off.

The games were becoming more and more popular. Once, they even overheard some girls talking about Lacey on the street! Can you believe it? Grace was so excited, she went to greet them and their mother, Rocío accompanying her.

They were much more popular than before. People were requesting more and more games; the parents loved Lacey's games.

And plus, Grace got along well with the entire team at the studio, which had grown a little larger. Now, instead of about 5 people, there were about 17, at the request of the studio that was lending them the space.

Everything was going well for the games; they were a huge success.

But...

Was it worth it?

Rocio woke up suddenly; she had fallen asleep on her keyboard. She quickly got up and checked the time. It was 3 in the morning.

Slowly, she got up from her chair and grabbed a monster to wake her up. She was exhausted, but she couldn't stop now! She was almost done with that game! When she finished it, she'd take a break for... three days!

That's what she always told herself, but every time she thought about resting, a new comment came asking: When is the next game coming? And what else would Rocío do besides fulfill her duties? It was what the audience wanted! And she had to make them happy.

But she would never admit to herself how tired she was. She even had to quit her job at the cafeteria to make the games, even though they paid her... decently. Enough to buy food.

And besides, every day, the same question came to her mind over and over again.

Was it worth it?

The other time, like she said before, they found some girls talking about Lacey in the park. They were on their way to the studio, their quiet walks where they just talked were already a forgotten story.

They walked in silence until they found two girls talking to one of their mothers.

"And then, and then, we could go home and set up the computer to play with Lacey!" one girl exclaimed.

"Yes! Yes!" another exclaimed.

"See? They're talking about Lacey!" Grace exclaimed.

"Oh, wow..." Rocio murmured.

"We're getting more and more famous... Hey, let's say hi!"

"What...? I don't think it's necessary..." But before Rocio could say anything, Grace had already grabbed her, and they were already heading toward the lady in charge of the girls.

"Hello, miss!" Grace smiled. "Do your daughters like Lacey's flash games?"

"Yes, yes, they won't stop talking about her..." the lady sighed.

"We're happy you like our games!" Grace listened. "We put a lot of effort into them!"

"Oh...! So you created them?" The lady spoke up.

"Yep!"

"Me too..." Rocío murmured, but was cut off by the lady.

"And that one following you?" The lady asked, pointing at Rocío and looking at her in a way Rocío was all too familiar with. It wasn't the first time someone looked at her like that; they always looked at her like that, she was judging her.

"Oh...! She's my coworker!" Grace retorted.

Coworker.

Coworker.

Grace... was embarrassed by her...

"Rocio? Pfft! I just feel sorry for her, okay? She needs a friend, someone to teach her how to be normal. Besides, it's funny, you know? It's kind of funny to see how pathetic she is."

...It was obvious. Why didn't she see it coming?

"Uh... yeah..."

"Well, uh... bye, see you around. I have to go home." The woman turned and left quickly. It was obvious she left because of Rocío, she then she turned to continue walking along the same path as before.

Grace stopped smiling.

"You know, you should take better care of your hair…”Grace mentioned suddenly.

“Yeah…I know.” Rocío murmured. Shitty is an understatement. It looked like grass, and she really had to stop dyeing it. It wasn't like she had the motivation to dye it these days anyway... But that wasn't the only reason the parents didn't like her: her makeup, her clothes, what if they knew about her personality? Ugh! The complaints they'd get!

Rocío continued walking to the studio, thinking.

Coworker.

Lately, Grace wasn't treating Rocio the same way she used to. She'd said this 90 times, but each time they drifted further apart, and it hurt Rocio. They went from hanging out together almost every day to just walking to the studio together after college without saying a word.

How did things change so much in a year?

Every day, Rocio wondered what she did wrong, what happened, and every day she found another reason why Grace would hate her.

It was destroying her on the inside. And it was becoming more and more noticeable.

She used to try to keep her house clean and tidy, but lately, unwashed dishes were piling up in the kitchen sink, dirty clothes were piled in a corner of her room, and she didn't even feel like tidying her bed.

What did she do instead of, I don't know...washing dishes? Programming. It was all she did these days. Programming, and programming, it was her whole life. What else would she do? She didn't have a job, and college was already easy, she could make it through the whole semester in one night; she just had to trust herself. Parents were more important.

Oh, the parents.

They received complaints, lots of complaints, most of which were related to...

Her.

She read the comments on a forum, on her computer:

"Can Rocío AT LEAST change how she looks? She scares my daughters!"

"The one in black, Rocío, she's definitely Satanic! She's going to lead my daughter on the wrong path!"

"I have no problem with Grace, but with the alien...what if she teaches our daughters to steal?"

"I saw that one buying drugs while I was going out. Don't trust her."

"The other one, Rocío, is she emo, or what? Do you really trust her to make content for your children? What if she teaches them how to cut themselves or something emo?"

And the others were a minority, but of course some people recognized her from her older content.

“Rocío? Content for children? Are we serious?”

“Yani, the same person who made those horror videos??? You’ve got to be kidding me that yall seriously trust her making games for CHILDREN.”

“She should get away from children, she’ll traumatize them.”

No one trusted her. No one trusted that she could do anything good for the kids.

All this fame, it was good for the games, but...

Was it really worth it?

Another day of uni ended, she was exhausted. She hadn't slept at all that night, not even 2 hours like she usually did, and she felt like she was on the verge of fainting or delirium.

She walked toward the exit and waited for Grace. But she didn't come. 15 minutes passed, then 20, and Grace didn't come.

Rocío checked her phone; she was going to call her, but she received a text first.

She opened the messages app, and it was from Grace.

<Well, I came alone today. You still have to come even if I'm not there!>

<Okay, okay, I didn't know T_T>

<Okay, next time I won't Wait, because sometimes I leave early, and she took the opportunity to come right now.

<Yeah, yeah.>

Rocío sighed. So they weren't even going to go together, huh? Yeah...

They weren't friends anymore, right?

Rocío tried to ignore it, put on her headphones, put on the album "Grievances and dead malls" by Nero's Day at Disneyland, and headed to the studio.

Rocío couldn't help but think about her relationship with Grace, what they used to be, and how they went from being so close to not even walking together. Grace seemed like a stranger now.

"Rocio? Pfft! I just feel sorry for her, okay? She needs a friend, someone to teach her how to be normal. Besides, it's funny, you know? It's kind of funny to see how pathetic she is."

Everything...

It was all fake, wasn't it?

"NO! NO, ROCÍO! Don't think like that! Surely Grace still likes you, surely you still have some place in her heart, you...just have to talk to her..." She told herself. Yep, talk to Grace! That was the solution. Talking was always the solution, although she didn't usually admit it due to her lack of experience with friendships.

Then Rocio entered the studio and saw Grace working. She joined her and the others.

Rocio said good morning to everyone, but it was clear she didn't like them. Rocio wished it was just her and Grace. That would have prevented her from drifting away from her. Yes, that would have prevented it. Rocio began to resent the poor people who had nothing to do with her; in her mind, they were to blame.

Rocio just worked in silence, saying few things or only giving a few orders. What she said most was: "I'll do that." She would do this, and this, and that. She kept all the work to herself. She didn't want others to do it wrong. It had to be PERFECT.

And then, she and Grace worked in silence until 9 p.m. Rocio tried to start a conversation with her, but it was no use. At 9, Grace started packing up her things.

"Wait!" Rocio exclaimed.

"Hm?"

"I want to talk to you...in private, if you'd allow me..." she asked.

"Okay, hurry up, okay?"

They headed out the back exit. No one said anything, the air was tense. Grace leaned against a light pole, and took out a cigarette. She didn't usually smoke, no, she was a good girl. But she was full of bad influences, and Rocio wasn't the best influence either, trying to convince her to smoke: and she succeeded.

Rocio, on her side, also took out a cigarette. They relieved her stress, and she really needed to relax to do this.

They looked at each other, in total silence.

"So, what did you want to talk about, Rocio?"

Rocio took a while to answer, thinking about how to talk about this.

"About our... friendship," she began.

"...Yes...?"

"Don't you think we were closer before?" She spoke. "We used to go out more, and we talked a lot more..."

"It's just that there's so much work now, there's no time for that," Grace replied.

"Yes, but... can we at least have a conversation like before?"

"What do you mean? Everything's the same."

Rocío took a while to respond; she didn't know what to say, and she was also afraid. Afraid this would end her friendship with Grace. But she gathered the strength to continue:

"No! It's not the same! Y-you used to talk to me more...and...we hung out more..."

"Oh, so the problem is that you want attention, right? Rocio, stop being so...clingy. I have things to do, we have a whole studio now! Do you understand?"

"Yes, but…you could..." Rocio was cut off before she could continue.

"Rocio, I don't know if you understand that I have other friends. The world doesn't revolve around you, don’t you understand?"

"I understand that, of course I understand! But it's just that..."

"I can't dedicate all my time to you; I have a busy life."

"But I feel like you're treating me less and less like a friend and more like a coworker!"

Grace fell silent. She put out the cigarette she was holding and stared at Rocio.

"Wow, you really love the attention, don't you?"

"No, no, it's not that... just..."

"No, Rocio, I get it. You're a damn tick who wants me to dedicate all my time and attention to her!" she said mockingly. "Get a life. You have work to do too, don't you? Stop being so exaggerated. I just got busy making the games, and you're acting like I've stopped talking to you completely."

"But I'm afraid you'll do it soon..."

"GET A LIFE, Rocio! Stop being so damn exaggerated! Get to work, we have to make the games! Parents are asking more and more of us, c’mon!”

"Sorry."

"Yes, yes, get to work. See you tomorrow." Grace grabbed her things and, without looking at Rocio, left.

"...Goodbye..." Rocio watched Grace leave.

Maybe... she was being exaggerated... she had to stop being so clingy.

Or maybe, Grace already hated her. Yes, she noticed the hatred in Grace's eyes. Grace hated her. She saw it in the way she spoke to her.

Tears formed in Rocio's eyes as she silently went home.

When she got there, she went and threw herself into bed, without even changing. She never wanted to get up again. Grace hated her; her only friend hated her. Her only and first friend hated her.

She really was unpleasant wasn’t she?

That thought remained stuck in her mind, and she was stuck in her bed again. All night, thinking and thinking about the hatred with which Grace had looked at her at that moment.

Then she heard her alarm for college, and she completely ignored it. She had no energy to go, she didn't want to see Grace and...see her hateful face. She was scared.

So she spent hours and hours in bed, not a bit motivated to get up, her motivation to make the games long gone. She didn't want to do anything, she just wanted to disappear.

But then, she received a text. It was 5 p.m. She opened the message, it was from Grace.

...

She didn't want to reply. It was obvious Grace hated her. But if she didn't reply, she would hate her even more. So she forced herself to reply.

<I'm busy. I'll be back in an hour.>

She felt guilty for lying to Grace like that. Why would she be busy if she didn't even go to college? She wanted to dissapear.

She dressed slowly and listlessly; she felt horrible. She didn't want Grace to see her like this. So listless, so exhausted, so...depressed. But what was she going to do?

With little desire, she tried to dress up as much as possible and pretend nothing had affected her. But she knew it would still show. In how she acted, and in how she made the games.

She didn't want them to see her like that.

They couldn't see her like that.

She wanted to feel good, she wanted to be strong. She didn't want Grace to notice how much this had affected her; they'd say she was overreacting again.

Rocío was in the bathroom, brushing her teeth as much as possible because she hadn't done so all day, when suddenly, as she bent down, she raised her head and hit an open shelf. Several things fell out.

"Oh my god... I'm stupid..." She said to herself. She picked up what had fallen, and among the things that fell, she found a small box.

Rocío knew this little box.

She felt dizzy for a moment when she saw the box, a story of going out at night, armed just in case, dealing, using all her money.

She promised herself she'd leave her.

But now she felt like she needed her.

It was tempting, happiness, energy, just what he needed now. She’d be able to pretend it was ok because she was ok! But…

What would Grace think if she found out? She'd hate her twice as much. And plus, it was so hard to leave her…the hallucinations, the cravings to have her close…

But maybe she'd forget everything that way...

Maybe...

Just for today, it would be the last time.